When I go out to do research for clients, sometimes I have to send bulk mailers to a large number of people. Earlier this week, I had to send invitations for comments on a new post-secondary education program to several thousand people. Here are some of the better responses I got and how I responded in return:

1. My time is too precious to respond!!!

“I charge for my time just like you. 4 min @ $270.00/ hr.”

My response:

“So… you didn’t fill in the survey, saving you $18 of time that could generate some billable hours but you wasted $4.50 worth of billable hours to tell me that you’re not going to respond to me? Who’s the loser now? I got paid $4 to respond to your note.”

2. YOU’VE UNLEASHED THE FURY!!!!

Edit on July 3: This douchebag is threatening to sue so I’ve removed the actualy text he wrote. Here’s the summary.

“You sent me an e-mail! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” (plus some wildly inappropriate suggestions about my sexuality, etc…)

My response: “Hahahahaha. How old are you?”

3. Looking for love in all the wrong places

“Take me off your list! No way!”

My response:

“Can’t blame a guy for trying. Have a nice long weekend.”

Her response:

“Hmmm… you`re sweet. Tell me about yourself.”

(10 e-mails later, she starts sending pics and asking about my marital status).

Anyhow, that`s the exciting life I lead as a market research professional. Just thought I`d share.