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How To Entertain Your Neighbours with Fake Lawyer Letters

By crooky | July 14, 2008

I apologize for being a bit lax on my blogging schedule these past few weeks. I will get back to some serious writing this week. I took a quasi-vacation last week in which I didn’t do a heck of a lot of work and played with my kids lots, drank beer, got a tan, hung out with friends, etc… It culminated this weekend past with me MCing my cousin Sheldon’s wedding.

Before we return to serious posts about serious business, I wanted to share tonight’s bit of insanity with you. My next door neighbours had an unfortunate incident about 18 months ago where one of their neighbours got drunk, got in her car and drove backwards at full-speed directly into my neighbours’ cars - totalling them both.

My neighbours have been much more charitable about the whole situation than I would have been. Their cars were older cars that the owner had restored to prime working condition but were on paper, worth essentially nothing. They received a few thousand dollars for the cars which had recently had over $6000 in parts alone put into them. The neighbour who totalled their cars drove her car back to her parking spot about 30 yards away and went back into her house, trying to sober up by drinking copious amounts of water before the police arrived.

When the police arrived, they charged her with speeding and leaving the scene of an accident. This week, the woman who committed this ridiculous crime has been petitioning my neighbour to sign a statement saying that she didn’t leave the scene of an accident when she clearly did. My neighbours, who never did receive proper compensation for their totalled vehicles, were so upset that they called me for advice about how to respond. At first, I told them to tell her to “fuck off and die” but realizing that this might not be in the best interest of neighbourly relations, gave them the following letter that I suggested they should give to the woman should she return:

They had a good laugh and decided to call her to tell her that they would, under no circumstances, sign any statement saying she did not leave the scene of an accident because that is exactly what she did. I hope you got a small laugh out of my letter and if you need a similar letter for your loved ones, drop me a line. Always happy to oblige.

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Topics: Levity |

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