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Ten Reasons Why Having A Salaried Job Rocks!
By crooky | May 2, 2008
Every now and again, it’s important for us self-employed folks to take a look back at our former lives as wage slaves and remind ourselves of the good times that drove us into our current situation. Here’s my ten reasons why having a salaried job rocks:
10. Colds/Flus
When you work from the comfort of your own home, you have a very limited pool of people from which you can contract disease. Your kids, your spouse and occasionally, your pets. At work, there is a veritable cornicopia of people that will hack, cough and do their level best to infect you with something. Extra bonus points for re-circulating air-conditioning systems which have the ability to spread a chest cold from that engineer on the third floor to the entire building.
9. Gossip/Drama
I put this as #9 but in truth, this is the part I miss the most. The Jerry Springer show just doesn’t have that level of realism that finding your co-workers slumped over their desk drunk/despondent/crying has. On Springer, when it turns out that so and so has been secretly fucking whats-her-face all these years and the audience goes “OOOOooooooh”, I say “meh”. I don’t actually know these people.
At work, there’s a good chance that you will know someone who has an extramarital affair with a co-worker. With any luck, they’ll have the aforementioned affair on your desk to spite you somehow. Extra bonus points when they corner you in the washroom to confide the daliance.
8. Cubicles
I love cubicles. Smaller than a jail cell and you spend more time in one than you would spend in the clink for killing someone. The colours that cubicles come in are so soothing and inspiring - beige, dusty blue, rose, cholesterol yellow. My home office, painted in a vibrant blue colour, featuring artwork that I enjoy and windows that open is a pale comparison. It’s also about six times as big as my old cubicle. Extra bonus points for the fact that the most innovative thing you’re allowed to do with your cubicle is put up your kids’ crappy art.
7. Cafeteria Food
The unspoken tension between cafeteria workers and the people they serve lunch to - many of whom make no less than five times what they do on an hourly basis - is intoxicating. Will they spit in my food today? What corners has the management company cut to keep their costs down? Extra bonus points for the passive-aggressive “healthy choices” posters that litter office cafeterias while 90% of what’s on the menu contains an entire day’s worth of calories, sodium and saturated fat.
6. Work-Life Balance
I wish I still had the work-life balance that I did when I was a salaryman. It was true flexibility - I was free to work whenever was convenient for me. On the weekends, late at night, while I was on my lunch break, while I was spending time with my kids, while I was on vacation. I mean, sure. I work more hours as a consultant but is double the take-home pay really enough to justify having to take time off whenever you feel like it? To eat lunch with your kids? Extra bonus points for being given homework on your vacation.
5. The IT Department
Oh god, I miss the days when I could call up the IT department because something went sideways in Windows XP (which we just upgraded to in 2007) and I could easily fix if it wasn’t for the admin lock-down on any system settings. I’m sure I can do without a working mouse for the next 72 hours until my job ticket comes to the top of the pile. These days, I have to learn how to fix my own computer and choose not only what kind of computer I am going to use (stressful and not fun) but what software to run! Extra bonus points for the fact that the IT department monitors your every move. I should install a key-logger on my home computer and mail it to the RCMP once a month - just to keep me on my toes.
4. Dress Code
I really miss wearing a budget suit from Moores to work every day. I mean, who doesn’t want to wear a suit every day? They’re so comfortable. Just because I can literally work in my pajamas now doesn’t mean that I don’t break out the wool suit every now and again just to remember what it feels like to be free. I also miss the wild mis-interpretations of dress code by young women at the office and the subsequent “talking to” that they get. Good times. Extra bonus points for “dressing for the job you want, not the job you have.”
3. Your Co-Workers
The dynamics of a team - always trying to stab each other in the back or glean some piece of personal information that they can file away and use against you at a later date. This is the stuff that greatness is made of. These days, I am forced to pick and choose who I work with and if someone is an anti-social prick, I can just not work with them anymore. I miss the challenge. Extra bonus points for when your co-workers merge into office drama territory.
2. Your Boss
I miss the days when I had someone whose sole purpose in life is to get the best possible results out of me. The coaching, the gentle pursuasion, the mentoring - all of those things I now have to seek on my own from people that I like. Even worse, I’m forced to seek advice and mentorship from people who actually know more than I do. It sucks, let me tell you. All that time I spend listening to and learning from highly intelligent, engaging individuals - every minute is another knife in my heart. Extra bonus points for the boss that is parachuted in on a patronage appointment.
1. The Job
The absolute best part about a job is being able to define yourself by a title. What am I now? I used to be a coordinator, a manager, an analyst - that meant something. It meant that my opinion was heard when it was appropriate for it to be heard and that I could only socialize with people of a similar title. It defined a domain for me. I miss that. These days, I’m forced to work on a variety of projects that may challenge me intellectually and stretch my skills. It’s hell, man. Extra bonus points for the fact that you can get fired for no reason from a job while as a consultant, you have to work a lot harder to get fired from every project you’re on simultaneously.
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Aaron “Crooky” Cruikshank is the Principal and Founder of Friuch Consulting. He has written professionally about science and technology for ten years.
Topics: Business of Consulting, Levity |
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May 7th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
You should submit this as a guest post on FreelanceSwitch!
May 15th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
It totally reminds me of The Office haha. All the stereotypes of the office environment that we can all relate to.
June 15th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Oh dear you have just listed everything I hate about my job….I so hate Cubicles…I so hate the Dress Code…..oh I so need to work for me
June 16th, 2008 at 8:50 am
My condolences, John.